hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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