Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
