I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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