i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
