One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
