do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
