oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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