Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
