Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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