Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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