Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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