I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
