I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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