I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
