I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
