My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
