If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
