walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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