His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
