While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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