I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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