I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How does one acquire holy water?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
