i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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