well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
