i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
