You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
