Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
