This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
