I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
