I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
