Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
