i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
