I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize