I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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