Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
