May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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