This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
