I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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