Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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