I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry about my life...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
