My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
