There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
