You're so nebulous sometimes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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