Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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