we're blogging at a bar
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
