after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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