Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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