she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
