he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
