No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
