im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
