She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
