we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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