I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I touched a dick in church today
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