I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
