I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
