Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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