it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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