I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
