I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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