I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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