I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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