It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
