You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
