No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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