I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
