Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize