I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
