I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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