so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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