So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
