i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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