planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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