let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
