I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
