So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
