The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
