This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
