I have demons in me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
