The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
