Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
