It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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