Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
