$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Vodka?
Forever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
