just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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